I remember a moment in our history where you were just a click or a call away. Now your body’s heat intertwines with mine yet it seems as though galaxies separate us.
Your eyes no longer glisten with excitement and innocent curiosity. Instead, empty pools of black send back my reflection and I shiver under the intensity of your frigid gaze.
It would wound my lips to profess that the universe blocking my clear view of you hasn’t haunted me.
That the absence of joy in your steps hasn’t affected me.
Or that the essential loss of your being hasn’t produced rivers streaming down my cheeks.
For weeks on end, sweet slumber and fantasy laced dreams have been replaced with vain attempts to send telepathic messages to the friend I used to have. Sleep evades me, concern consumes me and I fall into vast depths of hopelessness and bed sheets.
Frankly, in this episode of your life I am not a member of the main cast. Still, from the sidelines, I am a quiet observer in your show of self-destruction.
Pleading and praying that the person before me is merely an actor in the wider scheme of things.
That soon, the bosom buddy I shared my most memorable moments with would resurface.
That the director would yell “cut”.
That these past times would fade into my subconscious nicely repressed along with other things I need not remember.
But, as I magnify the circumstances and remove my subjectivity I realize that the person before is merely a shell of the person you used to be.
That the laughter, secrets and tears once shared in the confines of our arrangement would never again manifest.
The thought of your infinite absence extinguished my very will to exist.
Hit my chest like a race car going 120 mph unexpectedly hitting a wall-nearly coaxing my heart to stop beating.
Though I understand that you will never revert to the soul you once were, I cannot accept the seriousness of this situation.
I refuse to release the coveted memories engraved in past times to replace them with images of a lifeless stranger I do not understand.
I refuse to let the universe engulf the little hope that has remained in the aftermath of your disappearance.
As I cast my eyes on what could be your final resting place, fresh tears stain my face and my knees fail me….
The empty space in my heart grows with each thought of me never finding
you…or even worse, you never finding yourself.
Please… I’m desperately asking that you return if possible.